Concert Atmosphere.

Really, kids, what's the point of squeezing your way up to the front of the crowd only to spend the night with your head down, "tweeting" your friends about the show instead of, oh...I don't know, actually paying attention to the show?!

Seriously, what's up with that?

And another thing: how is it even possible that you're clapping at five times the speed of the music, when both drummers and three of the other band members are practically counting out the beats for you?

Seriously. Seriously. What is up with that?

Douche Tree

What the fuck is this?!

Attention: fashionistas!

Fashion Tip of the Year, courtesy of Lucky Magazine:

"For a natural, worn-in feel, with a couple of authentic rips and pulls, put a T-shirt in both the washer and the dryer with three little pieces of cement — about the size of your palm. You can pick them up at Home Depot."

What a fantastic idea! That's tooootally authentic. And who doesn't love dents in their dryer?

Let's get this party started.

Here it is. The Now Magazine feature that inspired this very blog. It's been a few months since a friend of mine first brought this little gem to my attention, and I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around it. It seems that, every week, the people at NOW do their part in enriching our lives by treating us to a little taste of "the scene," as the kids today are calling it. My understanding is that they send their very best photojournalists to some shitty show or the latest, ~*underground*~ club, and have them approach the most "eclectic" looking twenty-somethings, who then take the time out of their thrilling lives to enlighten us all with their deep thoughts on such pressing issues as "what's your favourite drink at The Drake?" or "do you personally know this DJ?" or "where'd you get your leopard print footless tights?"

AWE-SOME.

I'm not exactly sure what purpose (if any) this little feature serves, or why Now Magazine feels that this is a good use of space (or paper), but at least it gives me something to get angry about every week. Better to channel my rage towards people I don't know, and will (hopefully) never meet, than to take it out on my friends and family, right? And in these wildly unpredictable, tumultuous times, it's nice to know exactly what kind of bullshit to expect every Thursday, without fail.

But seriously, can we take a minute to admire how truly brilliant these pretty young things are?

Laura Wickett says: "I came here after seeing Machetes' MySpace page. They're tough - the kind of girls who won't make you dinner."

First of all, I thought MySpace was dead. (Haven't we all moved on to Twitter by now?) Second, any time you go anywhere because MySpace told you to, you have a problem.

Ali Sunderji says: "The venue is awesome and the beers are cheap. I also just realized that I used to rehearse across the hall from Planet Creature."

Lizz Aston says: "I used to play with the first band, Planet Creatures, and the Hoa Hoa's are good friends of mine. I live with the drummer and we just broke up. It's still amicable. Their music does something for me, so I feel like I would be giving up something important if I didn't come here."

My dad's half-sister's best friend's secretary used to be the drummer in this one band you've never heard of, but now she's been replaced by my friend's roommate's ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. Also, last weekend, I hooked up with the guy who is playing the cowbell in that other band you've never heard of (but they're, like, three or four shows away from really blowing up). But it's cool; cuz we're totally still Facebook friends and stuff, so there's no awkwardness.

Alex Roberts says...actually, in the six months since I first cut out, scanned, read and re-read (approximately a million times) this piece of genius, I have never once read what Alex Roberts had to say. I'm just confused because I can't figure out why a guy who takes style cues from Chuck Bass would think his opinions on anything would be taken seriously.

And finally, the piece de resistance, my #1 favourite douche...

Elkling (and you know her parents didn't give her that name!) says: "I find the Hoa Hoa's to be very reminiscent of those days in my childhood when I was establishing what's real and what's make believe."

Wow.

I don't even know where to start with that one, so I'll keep it simple and leave it at this: bitch, PLEASE!